Friends are siblings God didn't give us.
Today my "little brother" Rob turns 30. I have been thinking about his impending birthday for the past few weeks, pondering what I want to say to him on this milestone day. Although Rob and I have not spoken for about two years, I think about him often and continue to thank God for bringing him into my life.
I met Rob through my friend Shannon (gorgeous redhead in the above picture). They were new classmates in their graduate school program. Shannon and I had moved to Seattle, separately, from South Carolina and while we knew a few people, we were looking to expand our friend circle. Rob was a great fit!
The first few months we knew each other, we spent quite a bit of time together. That time was spent: talking, looking for a home church, talking, "studying on the beach", talking, traveling (Hoh Nat'l Rain Forest, San Francisco), talking . . . well, I think you get the drift.
Rob was a safe man (12 years younger than me!) that we could be ourselves around--and pump for insider information about The Single Man in the 21st Century! I think Rob looked at us as good sources of information as well. But on a deeper level, we three were needing God's redemption. We were beginning our lives . . . again. Our hearts had been broken, we weren't sure how to dream and we were needing real hope and authentic community.
Rob invited me to speak into his life and that is a treasured gift he gave. He would call me at all hours and ask me to tell him a story of hope. In so doing, I believe Rob was performing a ministry to us both: reminding us that Christ calls us to hope and promises that "hope does not disappoint." And sure enough, hope has not disappointed: Rob and I each found "the one[s] our hearts [sought]" (bless you, Jenna and Pete, for waiting for us!) and we both are doing what we believe we were created to do: sit with people, hold their stories and remind them that hope does not disappoint.
Rob is dear to my heart because he allowed me to express fear and didn't freak out or give me easy promises about my future. No matter how many times I cried about the same few things, he hung in with me. I have not found a lot of men who will stay put in the hard places.
What I am trying to express about Rob is best illustrated by this story. By December 2001, five months after moving to Seattle, I was overwhelmed with God's gracious provision and blessing. Instead of being a broken, isolated, less-than divorced woman, God had given me a new start: I had new real friends, I had a church with a diverse and loving community group, I had American and foreign men offering to take me out, I was finishing my undergrad degre . . . I could go on and on.
On this particular December evening I was driving home from a party and sobbing, trying to find words to tell God how grateful I was. I was actually burdened by gratitude. I found myself praying for the gift of tongues, that God was loose my tongue and express my very deepest heart. Upon my arrival home, I found an incredible present from one of the little daughters of the family with whom I lived. It was the last straw and I fell apart. I called Rob, I don't even know how he understood me I was crying so hard and I know I wasn't making sense. He just let me cry and talk it all out. Finally, I wailed, "How will I ever be able to express to God how deep and wide my gratitude is . . .? And Rob quietly said, "Kirsie, just enjoy your life. That's how you will thank God--by enjoying what He has given you."
His words pierced my heart and I knew they were straight from God. I was making gratitude a transactional act of work. BLAH! Rob didn't try to fix me or find words for me or roll his eyes. He just spoke the truth in love and it changed me.
So now you see why I love Rob, and why I miss him, and why I celebrate him on this, his 30th birthday. When you know a strong man who loves God, chases dreams, lives out of desire and stays in the fire with you . . . well, you just celebrate and enjoy, because it is the best way to express your gratitude to God.
Rob was also a lot of fun and I can't end this post without telling one funny story. It's hard to choose, but I think this one still makes me laugh the most.
I lived in a walk-out basement apartment in a beautiful home with a wonderful family in the Ballard Neighborhood of Seattle. They had recently remodeled and so I lived in a designer apartment! It was a refuge and it was aesthetically fulfilling.
Anyway, one day Rob came over to "study". He was sitting on the sofa and I was on my big reading chair. We were actually reading. I suddenly became aware of this sound, like a waterfall. Now, I don't own one of those fake waterfalls because to me it would be like paying money to hear the toilet run constantly. And while I lived close to the water, I hadn't heard it all the way to my house before, so I didn't think it could be Puget Sound, either. All of a sudden I saw Rob's mouth moving but no sound coming out.
I turned and looked toward my bed, only to see water pouring from the ceiling down the walls onto my bed and in my closet! What happened next can only be described as a Keystone Kops routine as we scrambled to stop (??) the water, call the landlords upstairs and save my wallhanging!
Maybe you had to be there, but I am glad Rob and I were--it was priceless on all kinds of levels!
Finally, a few pictoral remembrances . . .
Rob & Shannon in San Francisco Bay Area
Ummm . . . Rob?! Rob trying to capture the WHOLE TREE in the picture!
This story is for another time . . . Just don't stay at the Hoh National Rain Forest Hostel!
Identity is not something that falls on us out of the sky. For better or for worse, identity is bestowed. We are who we are in relation to others. But far more important, we draw our identity from our impact on those others—if and how we affect them. We long to know that we make a difference in the lives of others, to know that we matter, that our presence cannot be replaced by a pet, a possession, or even another person. (Sacred Romance, John Eldredge)
Rob, you impacted me in ways too numerous and/or personal to mention here. You started me on the path to figuring out what it means to be a woman in a man's presence. You helped me to laugh, to relax, to not settle, to rest . . . and to hike (BLAH!).
Pete, Thaddeus and I send you much love and joy and peace on your 30th birthday, Friend.
xoxo Kïrsten
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