Nude Neighbors & Truth-Telling Sons

I called my friend a little while ago to tell her my Office Depot story. Her son answered the phone. Names have not been changed because he is an innocent!

"Hello?"
"Hey Stephen! How are you? What are you doing today?"
"Going to garden camp" (Sandy is Earth Mother Extraodinaire)
"Wow, that sounds fun! May I talk to your mom before you leave?"
"Well. I think I should talk to you for a while because my mom is naked."

Beat. Beat. Beat. Strangle laughter back.

"Do you want to hang up and then go to the the shower and tell her to call me when she is dressed?'
"Well, now she is naked in the bedroom."
"Oh . . . Well, do you want to just talk to me?"
"I don't know."
"Why don't you go ask her what she wants to do?"
"MOM! Kirsten is on the phone!"

Have I mentioned how grateful I am that Thad mostly babbles right now?

This is What Dreams Coming True Looks Like

My private practice office. Isn't it lovely? (Thanks to Vanessa for her exquisite decorator's expertise. I would have set up some beanbags and called it a day.)

Just When I Thought Life Couldn't Be Any Weirder . . .

I ordered some things from Office Depot through their website a few days ago. The items came and I was so excited: OFFICE SUPPLIES! ORGANIZATION! FUN THINGS FOR MY DESK!! (Side note: one of the most fun things I have been assigned to do in my life was take care of office supply inventory and supply at a law firm I worked for back in the day. The power I had has only been matched by the other responsibility given to me: Recycling Czarina! [A title I came up with myself; they just told me to manage the recycling program. Boring.])

Anyway, two of the items, totalling $30, didn't work out. I tried to return them to a OD store, but apparently if you buy something online you have to return it the same way.

SO.

I called the customer service number and told them my sad news: the letter trays were too wide for the slot (Don't ask why I didn't measure before. I was dazzled by shiny wire letter trays that would finally allow me to be organized!) He took the item numbers, told me he would credit my account for $30 and gave me a confirmation number.

Then, NO JOKE, he said, "Mrs. Christianson, you can just keep those items and dispose of them however you see fit. We have credited your account, we apologize for the inconvenience and hope you will shop with us again."

Maybe the blueberries in my cereal were fermented?

Did I hear him correctly or is his Indian accent playing with the hammer in my ear?!??

So I took another run at it: When will the items be picked up?

"As I said, Mrs. Christianson, we have credited your card and you are free to dispose of the times in whatever manner you wish. We are sorry for the inconvenience and hope you will shop with us again."

Unbelievingly, I said, "Okay."

Then I hung up and called back to ask another representative what I had misunderstood.

A lovely Indian woman explained to me that no, my blueberries were fresh; yes, my card had been credited; and no, it wasn't a scam. They have discretion to make the call when the items are not worth sending a truck out to pick up the return.

I think I may have found my calling: Reselling Office Depot items I "return."

Anybody want a buy some letter trays cheap?